As my current Facebook status says, "Island Girl is Frustrated!"
It's not really a "bad mood" frustrated or an "the world is driving me crazy" frustrated, but more of an "I just want to bang my head against the wall" frustrated. Why you might ask? Well that's where it gets tough.
I went to meet with a nutritionist today. This is the second one I've had an appointment with - the first one cancelled on me. I had this appointment scheduled for a week. A week to hype myself for her to help. A week to think she was going to have some "magic" answer for the problems I've been having in the weight loss department. I was wrong.
Let me back up. Growing up I was over weight. All through high school and college, I was over weight. However, to date I've lost 51 pounds. I eat a healthy diet. I exercise 5 days a week. However the scales have been stuck for pretty much 6 months. So I decided to see someone to figure out the problem since I've been having other warning signs from my body that something is "off".
Long story short - she confirmed what I already knew, that I'm not eating enough. While this seems like a simple issue to fix, it's not that easy. I've gotten to the point that eating more actually scares me. I'm so scared of going back to where I was, that I can't enjoy going out to eat anymore. Even though I know that I need more calories a day, the thought of eating more makes me nervous.
The reason this breakthrough about loving myself was such a huge deal was because even though I know that I look different, I still look in the mirror and see the girl that graduated from college. I've quit seeing what's really there. When my parents came to visit two weeks ago, they expressed concern over the fact that I continue to see myself as "heavy." Even before they said anything, I knew this was an issue - a body image issue - and one that isn't new to me.
So when I met with the nutritionist today I was wanting help - someone to tell me what I needed to do to get better. She was not that someone. She told me that I needed to eat more, but that overall my diet was great and that she didn't see anyway to improve it. However, when I told her that was having issues seeing reality, she made me feel like an idiot - the last thing I needed since I already feel crazy.
She told me that by the time women get to be my age they have come to terms with reality and know that they can't have the bodies of the women in magazines. I, too, know this. She said that when women get to be my age they "don't really have body image issues anymore." Well, I'm sorry but in my opinion that's crap! While it might not be as prominent in my age bracket, it is still there. So, she made me feel even more crazy than I already feel. She also told me that if I don't get a handle on this now, I'm going to gain all my weight back - wow. thanks - but that's not going to happen. I can guarantee that!
Anyway, since she was of very little help, I'm now looking into a personal trainer to get to the workout aspect of the equation. Sorry to have dumped all of this on you all (those of you who made it to the end), but this is something that has been consuming my every thought for weeks and since I don't "know" must of you, I feel free from judgment, cause the two people that actually know me don't judge :) I really like keeping my blog light and happy, so I promise to get back to that tomorrow!
It's not really a "bad mood" frustrated or an "the world is driving me crazy" frustrated, but more of an "I just want to bang my head against the wall" frustrated. Why you might ask? Well that's where it gets tough.
I went to meet with a nutritionist today. This is the second one I've had an appointment with - the first one cancelled on me. I had this appointment scheduled for a week. A week to hype myself for her to help. A week to think she was going to have some "magic" answer for the problems I've been having in the weight loss department. I was wrong.
Let me back up. Growing up I was over weight. All through high school and college, I was over weight. However, to date I've lost 51 pounds. I eat a healthy diet. I exercise 5 days a week. However the scales have been stuck for pretty much 6 months. So I decided to see someone to figure out the problem since I've been having other warning signs from my body that something is "off".
Long story short - she confirmed what I already knew, that I'm not eating enough. While this seems like a simple issue to fix, it's not that easy. I've gotten to the point that eating more actually scares me. I'm so scared of going back to where I was, that I can't enjoy going out to eat anymore. Even though I know that I need more calories a day, the thought of eating more makes me nervous.
The reason this breakthrough about loving myself was such a huge deal was because even though I know that I look different, I still look in the mirror and see the girl that graduated from college. I've quit seeing what's really there. When my parents came to visit two weeks ago, they expressed concern over the fact that I continue to see myself as "heavy." Even before they said anything, I knew this was an issue - a body image issue - and one that isn't new to me.
So when I met with the nutritionist today I was wanting help - someone to tell me what I needed to do to get better. She was not that someone. She told me that I needed to eat more, but that overall my diet was great and that she didn't see anyway to improve it. However, when I told her that was having issues seeing reality, she made me feel like an idiot - the last thing I needed since I already feel crazy.
She told me that by the time women get to be my age they have come to terms with reality and know that they can't have the bodies of the women in magazines. I, too, know this. She said that when women get to be my age they "don't really have body image issues anymore." Well, I'm sorry but in my opinion that's crap! While it might not be as prominent in my age bracket, it is still there. So, she made me feel even more crazy than I already feel. She also told me that if I don't get a handle on this now, I'm going to gain all my weight back - wow. thanks - but that's not going to happen. I can guarantee that!
Anyway, since she was of very little help, I'm now looking into a personal trainer to get to the workout aspect of the equation. Sorry to have dumped all of this on you all (those of you who made it to the end), but this is something that has been consuming my every thought for weeks and since I don't "know" must of you, I feel free from judgment, cause the two people that actually know me don't judge :) I really like keeping my blog light and happy, so I promise to get back to that tomorrow!
17 comments:
So sorry she was such an insensitive, hateful person! I think with weight loss, one does reach that plateau, so a personal trainer will def be the way to go!! Personal Trainers many times will make out a diet/menu for you so as to optimize your conditioning!! Hateful Nutritionist must not be a NORMAL woman like the rest of us! Otherwise her remarks wouldn't have been so ridiculous!! Good Luck and keep us posted!!
I am so sorry you had to deal with someone like that - someone who is supposed to HELP YOU.
I agree with Preppy 101 - consult a personal trainer. See what they say.
I will be praying for you!
I agree! Having weight loss issues myself, I understand the frustration. And it's not always easy to "accept" things... just because you're a certain age does not mean you all of sudden come to terms with certain issues! A self conscious body image is HUGE struggle, and I am fully with you on that. I give you my full support and hope that you do find someone who will actually HELP you, instead of compounding the problem! Just remember, love who you are, because you're totally worth it girl! :D
You should be strong, and believe you to do it.
http://eyesinkaleidoscope.blogspot.com/
http://fymtyh.blogspot.com/
Please you add my blog to your link, and follow my blog. Thank you very much.
I totally understand what you are saying. After college I lost 75 lbs. for my wedding and even with everyone telling me how great I looked...all I could see were the flaws that were still there. I've since gained a little back so I have started WW. Just like you, they told me to eat more. I was super worried but it actually really did help. I would just recommend getting a good amount of protein (50g) and fiber (35g) as well. That really helped the scale move for me personally. And when they say eat more...obviously make sure to eat things like fruits and veggies...good things (which I'm sure you know since your diet seems great!)
I really hope you find what works for you and don't listen to anyone who leads you to believe that you are crazy for feeling a certain way. You can't help how you feel!
Good luck!
I hear ya. I lost 150 pounds between 2003 and 2004 and have maintained 100% weight loss. But, I still won't prance around in a bathing suit. I still have lots of body issues. I had to accept the fact that women my age don't have perfect bodies and losing weight will never turn back the clock. Sigh. Barbie is turning 50. Of course, she looks great but she is plastic.
Adorable photos!
Good morning sistas! It's one day until Friday!
I'm sponsoring a Mardi Gras contest on my blog. Lots of fun cupcake prizes.
Grand Prize: Juicy Couture Pink Cupcake necklace.
Zen Cupcake February 17, 2009: Mardi Gras Giveaway!
Make it a great day!
I too am quite frustrated.....you were just so much more eloquent than me.
Thanks for visiting me on my special SITS day
As usual, you are so candid and honest in your posts! Thanks for sharing, and I know you'll hit your stride soon. It's a process, and when you take control of it, it has no choice but to eventually bend to your insistence! I'm speaking from experience.
Oh, and I left something for you over at my blog, so stop by when you get a sec...
That makes me angry for you! ha. First of all, what woman do you know who ever 'comes to terms' with not being able to be 'better' or 'thinner' or 'more attractive'? Because I know PLENTY of women older than our age bracket who still aren't there! 1) You're not crazy, but apparently your nutritionist is. 2) I understand the frustration completely. 3) Total of 51 lbs?! Girl, that kicks ass! I'm so proud of you. And I can guarentee you that you are the only one that doesn't see the difference in you. But I know that it doesn't make it any easier. As you know, the mirror is my enemy as well... 4) I would never judge you ;) Love!
I feel really bad for you that she shut out your needs. As a health care professional, I do not believe that as you get older you learn to accept things for not being what you desire them to be. I feel that we all have an idea in our head and sometimes even if we get there we were in another place for so long that it doesn't seem realistic. We are also naturally a littl harder on ourselves than others are. I hope you feel better :)
I don't think their is an age limit on body image issues!! I think we all have these concerns to some degree or another. It's hard when you hit a plateau - but I know you can do it!
Good luck with the trainer!
Working out is good. Thanks for stopping by my blog and saying hello.
You are welcome to fly down here anytime. While you get you tickets and arrangements in order come on back to my blog to see more pictures.
My family and I are going with the youth to camp and I know that I'll have lots of pics to share when we get back.
Tag...you're it...if you haven't done this yet!
ugh! How obnoxious! People are just plain rude sometimes.
I'm new here! What a great blog :)
Okay...she can't possibly be able to stay in business for very long with that attitude. People come to her for help and she discourages them...WHAT!!!
Sorry, she made me mad too, LOL!
You are doing AWESOME, stick to your plan, change up your workout, focus on all the positive that's happened so far. Remember that a plateau is NORMAL...happens to all of us.
Keep going and stay strong you are an inspiration to others!
Have a great weekend and if you have time stop by and follow Wenda on her blog journey!
Hi Island Girl! Thanks for stopping by my blog! I really like yours and can't wait to read more. I think we have a lot in common. (especially the love for Disney)
Post a Comment