Follow me to last night.
I wasn't feeling any better and decided to go the 24 hour Walgreen's less than a mile from my apartment. I don't know why I went, I'd already bought all the over the counter meds that fit my symptoms, so I guess I was hoping that walking through the rows of boxes and pictures of smiling, satisfied users, I too would feel better. Once I got there and confirmed that I had no idea what to get I decided I needed to speak to the pharmacist for her recommendation.
BIG MISTAKE!
I have nothing against pharmacist! They have saved me quite a bit of money in doctor's visits over the years, but last night was not one of them. I approached the big sign that said Consultation and was very relived to see a female working, as I didn't want to discuss these particular symptoms with a man. She was counting pills and didn't actually move over to window, thus requiring me to lean in to see her. As I began to tell her what's wrong, she seems like she could care less - I on the other hand need her to help me cause I think I'm dying! As I continue to list my mountain of issues, she becomes more interested, I think I was a challenge. She asked all kinds of question; all of which I answered in a way that led her no closer to a "diagnosis". At one point I told her that I imagine this is what it feels like to be pregnant, but that there was NO chance of that to which she says, "Why is there no chance?" Um, lets go back to 5th grade health class Ms. Pharmacist - Because there is no chance!!! Apparently that wasn't clear enough for her because I actually had to spell it out for her - nice.
After I explained to her where babies come from, she says, and let me preface this by saying I'm a huge hypochondriac - if it's out there, I have it - anyway, she says,
"Now this would be worse case scenario stuff but it could be X (I'll spare you), and in that case you would need to have a procedure because it could be life threatening."
Wait, WHAT!? If this is worse case scenario stuff, can we start with some easily correctable ideas? It's 9 o'clock at night, the only place to go is the emergency room, it's on the other side of town, I don't know anybody in the city well enough to make them sit there with me all night and now, apparently, I'm in a race against the life clock!
As she continues asking me if I feel faint or have a fever, the room got really hot and she started talking to me from a tunnel and I knew that if this conversation didn't end soon I was going to pass out on the floor of the Walgreen's, the Ambulance was going to come, and all of this would have been over and someone could actually tell me what was wrong, thus fixing all the problems from above - and at this point I pulling for this scenario!
Finally she takes me to her over the counter recommendations, tells me drink lots of water, sends me on my merry way, but reminding me that if I'm not better by today, to get to the doctor immediately cause again, "it could be life threatening" - thanks I remember that from earlier! The last thing she says though - "Good luck"!
As I was paying way too much for this medicine, I felt like I was walking the Green Mile or something. Needless to say I didn't sleep well last night, but I do feel better today, thus putting the doctor's appointment off til tomorrow as that was the first time they could see me.
Sometimes my life is so unreal, I can't even comprehend it!
