Admiting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, right? I didn't realize how bad this problem was until recently when the guy in my life, and I use that term loosely, decided to move further away from me. Let me explain why this bothers me so much, "Mr. Second Chance" we'll call him, just moved closer to me about two months ago. Having him close and one of my best friends in the same time zone as me, was actually making look forward to the new school year.
Here is where the selfish part of me comes in. He was miserable in the town he was living in. He couldn't find a job he liked and he didn't want to be there. However, I think I liked that, because it meant he had more time to give me attention (which I like). Now he is going back to the place he loves, with a job he likes, and he's going to have friends again, some consequently are my friends as well. I should be happy for him. I should be the person I thought I was and congratulate him. I should not secretly wish he would change his plans and stay...but I do! Maybe I feel this way about him because I know that, unlike others, he doesn't need me anymore. I was his entertainment for two months while he was bored and alone, but now he's going back to the place where he has a life and he doesn't need my company. Am I even going to exist to him after next week? I guess only time will tell.
The fact that I feel this way about him, makes me wonder if I even really care about him. I never feel this way about any of my other friends. I want them to be happy. I want them to do what they want. The difference with them is that I know no matter where they go or what they do, I'm still going to be a part of their lives. With him, I don't know.
11 years ago
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